You open the little gate at the front of my house and walk on the paving which is free from autumn leaves and come to a door that is gleaming white. You then ring the door bell and are greeted by me dressed in a nice evening wear and chilling out with some music in the background. You are now in our hallway and you can almost see your face on the shiny floor which is squeaky clean. Then you enter a tidy living room which explains what 'minimal' is with just enough items to furnish to make it a cosy living space. The doors to my pooja cabinet (where I put idols and pictures of god) are open, the oil lamp is glowing and the incense stick spread lovely aroma. You then come to my kitchen which has all the counters clean, absolutely tidy with all dishes put away, no unnecessary items sitting on it and the floor is so clean that you can eat off the floor. So you are a bit nosy and take a wander around the rest of the house to find neatly made beds, folded laundry and totally tidy wardrobe.
Are you wondering if I am talking about a dream that I had, then you are wrong. However, that is not to say that the above description is what you would see when you drop by my place. It is just to say that I don't even dream of having that perfect house because it is one of those situations in which you appreciate imperfection. You are in that situation when you are a parent of young children, especially toddlers. So, here is reality; you come through the gate and are greeted by well maintained green lawn, credit to my husband and also the fact that my wee one enjoys keeping his dad company while lawn mowing. The calling bell does not work so you knock the door and the door is likely to be opened by my wee one with me standing right behind. You can more often than not find me in crops and T shirt with my hair tied back, not particularly well combed. You come in to the living room and have to mind your steps because it is still playtime and toys could be everywhere.
You would then find a place on the sofa to make yourself comfortable, which I must say is not too difficult. I would be going around trying to pick up the toys and give you the usual explanation of how a house with a toddler can be expected to be like this. You then see my pooja cabinet and figure out that it has been ages since I lit the lamp and there is no sign of incense sticks around at all. (If I light the lamp, my wee one is sure to go touch it; spill the milk I keep as offering to god; run around with the little Krishna idol). I would then excuse myself to attend to some food that I may be cooking and also get something for you to have. Roping little help from my wee one and not to mention, bring something for him as well would be my strategy to keep him happy and not anxious about your visit. Then he would begin to talk to you and play with you and all of us get quite comfortable. If you do find yourself in our bedroom, you are sure to find a bunch of papers awaiting filing and a pile of laundry to be sorted and the laundry bin waiting to be cleared up. My kitchen would be clean, hygienic but may not be particularly tidy as it could have the fridge magnets on the floor or arts and crafts stuff lying around etc..
I am hoping that the picture the reality bit posts is not dreadful because according to me I am doing a super good job of juggling, home, work and family. Before becoming a mother, I was quite fussy about how the house should be maintained and even today, I do get annoyed about few things. I always like the kitchen sink cleared and all dishes washed before I call it a day. I always want to have my morning coffee in a tidy living room and in general, everything should be in its place. There is no way I will tolerate anything unhygienic no matter how tired I am. With these things that I cannot quite compromise on, I do make a lot of other compromises. Well, you just have to grow to make those, else you will be one worked up parent and not to mention, could be quite a hard parent.
The first realisation for me was that while I strive to raise a nearly perfect human being, I cannot have a perfect house at the same time. Well, at least not without plenty of help or way more time, both of which I do not have. It is important for me to go for work so I can afford good education for the next generation so every bit of time I get at home is precious. I need to be productive and at the same time not lose focus on being a parent. I had to come to terms with what toddlers will always do - mess. It is part of growing and learning for them and my rules are simple. First, no damage to the property and second, always clean up after ones mess. My wee one is allowed to make mess in certain areas of the house but he is usually handed a brush, dustpan and tissues to clean up after the play. Although I end up doing a proper job of it, the child gets to learn in the process. Loads of rewards and appreciation for tidying up and putting things in their place. I read somewhere that toddlers naturally have a liking to put things in order (I know, hard to believe) but I just accepted it blindly and put it to test. It turned out to be correct and that means at times my wee one actually corrects me if I put something in the wrong place.
Before having a child, I must admit that there have been times when the laundry has been lying around waiting to be folded and put away for ages and there was also a day trip I made without clearing the kitchen sink. The excuse I gave was lack of time then, but obviously, it is rather true now than before. I think it is important to have the house in order and no excuse about that. However, I think it is important to learn to cope with imperfection. This may mean that we re-define what 'order' is and maintain that. I would not want my child to remember me as a cleanliness and orderliness freak but rather as a fun loving mother with some discipline. On the other extreme, when one lets the rope too loose and the house becomes a mess, I think that will affect the child as well. I would never want my child to remember his childhood days as those spent amidst clutter and disorderliness.
Life does get chaotic once a child comes along and of course more chaotic with more than one child. I recall my chemistry lessons and think of the word entropy - organised chaos and change. I remember reading how in the absence of entropy, nothing will evolve. Such chaos is important in a household so the child has a healthy environment to thrive and as long as it is under control and boundaries are set, it would be fun.
No comments:
Post a Comment